On this day, we arrived at Puerta Vallarta at around 0930. We had an unexceptional breakfast buffet at Parrot Cay, where an overworked omelette chef really earned his pay, and the smoked salmon was really salty. I had an excursion planned with Vallarta Adventures called Outdoor Adventures which involved being taken to a jungle in the Sierra Madres where you would get to ride ziplines through the forest, rappel down waterfalls, cross suspension bridges, etc.
All I have to say is: OH MY GOSH, YOU GUYS, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS! IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER!
Seriously. It started out with a short walk to an Apex speedboat where our shoes were taken hostage and we sat on what resembled small boxes with no seatbelts. This became slightly alarming as the boat took off at warp speed, careening across the waves, with relatively few handholds of any kind.
Our destination is Boca de Tomatlan, on the other side of Banderas Bay. It's at the edge of the Sierra Madre jungle.
Having arrived there and rescuing our shoes, we are introduced to our next method of transport, the 4x4 Unimog.
This results in the oddest, yet familiar, mix of sensations, as the ride feels just like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Mara, the outside looks just like Kilimanjaro Safari, and the inside looks like something out of M*A*S*H.
When we arrived at the Base Camp, they confiscated all our stuff and outfitted us with bandanas, harnesses, pulleys, and helmets. Afterwards, they offered to sell us photos of the experience for $18 each, which is why I have none to show you today. Suffice it to say that we boarded some mules, of which mine seemed vaguely disenchanted with the idea of toting my bloated cruise-ship mass up to the top of the mountain, and then ziplined our way down. En route, we hiked a bit (ugh,) forded streams, crossed high suspension bridges, ziplined straight into rivers, sat in the water on the edge of a waterfall, rappelled down the side of said waterfall (with and without wall contact,) and generally got incredibly wet and muddy. It was enormous fun, right up until my pulley broke, which turns out to be way less exciting than you'd think.
On return to camp, we retrieved our things and were offered a snack of chips and salsa, and a soda you could buy for $2. I'm sure the salsa was fine, but after spending the last few days in an environment where you can't even look at food without getting hosed down by a Hazmat team, it just seemed a little dicey.
Later, on the way back, we had our obligatory shopping stop at a Tequila factory that resembled someone's house.
Tequila is apparently grown from plants related to orchids, and then something happens with that big spoon and...actually, I think the salesguy was a little vague on the details. Mostly I think he said that they don't use donkeys anymore, and then started pouring everyone samples of tequila. For those of us who don't drink, we mostly spent the time watching the kids and dogs play with fetch with the water bottles which probably came from some exotic place like the Sam's Club across from the ship's dock. I was surprised, however, that the tequilaguy ended up asking for tips afterwards--for a 2-minute tequila sales pitch? Maybe he should ask for a larger commission from the tequila sales.
On the way back, it begins to rain a little.
This doesn't seem like a big deal until you remember that photo I took of the speed boat earlier. Remember how there's no top? Remember how it goes really fast? The ride back was like riding in your car, on the freeway, in pelting rain, with the top and sides down. We did, however, see a pod of dolphins frolicking in the waves, and maybe a whale, although it was far away, and rain was denting our corneas.
By the time I returned to the ship, it was about 6:30pm. I had thought that maybe I could collect Mom and grab a cab out to the main downtown area for a quick look around, but I was soaked to the skin and muddy, and it was also pouring rain so our enthusiasm waned. A shower and time of unconsciousness later, we went to dinner.
The appetizers were very good--duck with puff pastry, and tuna carpaccio.
My entree, however, left a great deal to be desired: Smoked salmon, which was incredibly salty, on wheat fettuccini, which had been cooked not quite to "al dente," but rather to "al hard-e." Ox enjoys his entree much better--the halibut with asparagus. Tonight's theme was California cuisine, which leads me to think the country must have a skewed idea of what we eat in California.
No, these were not all my desserts (ice cream sundae with toasted marshmallow, sugar-free cappuccino mousse, flourless chocolate cake,) but they could have been...I didn't get lunch, remember? Remember?
Our latest towel animal blesses us with her presence. We take advantage of the fact that the rain has stopped, and make a mad dash to the Wal-Mart across the street from the dock to see if there is anything excitingly Puerta Vallerta-ish about it. Mom gets a t-shirt, and I get a bottle of apple soda and we make our way back, satisfied. Unfortunately, it means that we get back too late to catch the midnight buffets with the chocolate-covered strawberries. Noooooo! Why, God? Whyyyy?!
Tomorrow: A Day at Sea.
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